


the distance between us is much too far

by sync



Category: Persona 4
Genre: M/M, self-indulgent fic alert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 06:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4010029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sync/pseuds/sync
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yosuke gets ill. That's the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the distance between us is much too far

**Author's Note:**

> hello. thank you for thinking about reading this thing that became far too much longer than i intended it to be.  
> i have been a souyo fan for a long time and read so many fics but never actually wrote anything. so, in commemoration of me finally buying p4g, i decided to write something that basically was just a way to satisfy myself. this basically pushes yosuke's jealousy of souji a little further than it really shows in the series, purely because i wanted to.  
> it's also probably very ooc bc i suck.
> 
> i've decided to use 'souji' in this fic bc that's p much all i read, but i've tagged it as both. if it bugs you, just ask very nicely and i will make a yu version and post it as a second chapter.
> 
> ok, enjoy!
> 
> (also, while we're here, much thanks to teide as usual for running through stuff with me for this story and letting it not be an absolute train wreck)

_1(i)._

“Are you getting a cold?” Souji’s words were routine when someone coughed or sneezed more than they should. Concern was certainly part of the reason the question was asked, but Yosuke knew it was mainly so their leader knew who he could leave behind when they went in to train. Watching out for each other when they were fit and well was enough of a challenge when self-preservation was at the forefront of everyone’s minds; watching out for someone who was ill wasn’t even worth the risk.

Headphones pulsing music through his body, Yosuke only shook his head in response. It was only a tickle in his throat—an uncomfortable tickle, but all the same, that was all it was. Irritating as it was, he knew it would be gone by the next day, and he could last until then.

Souji’s eyes stared at him for longer than Yosuke could ever say was comfortable, but he had gotten used to it. If it would help dispel any doubts his partner had about his condition, he was happy to let him. Gaze flicking to the right, he noticed Chie gingerly pulling out bottles of the magical liquid that somehow sent them right to the start of dungeons each time they were used out of a small green chest. He heard her exclamation that she had found five Goho-Ms, muffled by the sound of the drums reverberating in his ears, before his eyes flicked to the left just in time to catch Kanji smashing the top of a Flattering Hablerie, killing it in one go. _We’re way too overpowered for this place by now,_ Yosuke found himself thinking, face almost pulled into a disappointed pout.

“Yosuke.” The short prompting from the grey-haired boy brought Yosuke’s eyes back to him. Movement from below attracted his attention, expecting to see a healing item, but instead, all he saw was a red and white packet with a picture of cherries on the front that he’d never seen in his life. “Suck on these. They might help.” After taking a closer look at them, Yosuke realised that they were cough drops – more specifically, acerola cherry ones. They were even non-sugar! With lots of vitamin C and low in calories. Perfect. He looked up with a raised eyebrow. “An old lady gave me a couple packets when I had a cold. Said they worked better than all the sugary ones you get nowadays; she wasn’t actually kidding.”

“Thanks, partner.” As sceptical as he was, Yosuke accepted the plastic bag and placed them in one of his pockets after slipping one in his mouth. A noise of approval escaped his mouth as the sweet flavour rolled across his tongue and into his cheek, and once he found a good place for it to stay, he brought his attention back to their training.

 

_2(i)._

When Yosuke next woke up, it was to an aching throat. Face squinting, he grimaced as he sat up and coughed into his palm. “Crap, don’t tell me I really am catching a cold…” Fingers trailed soothingly along his neck in a useless attempt to try and ease the pain. _Souji’s not gonna be happy with me, is he?_ With a sigh, he forced himself out of bed and slowly got ready for another day of school and a fretting Souji.

Thinking about his friend, Yosuke’s eyes fluttered to his desk, where he’d left those cough drops Souji had given him back in the TV world. Surprisingly, their leader was right: they really did help stop that tickling sensation. Shame it couldn’t help prevent whatever illness was starting to make him feel rubbish, though.

Feeling a cough beginning to crawl its way up his throat, Yosuke quickly shot a hand into the packet and shoved one of the square sweets into his mouth. Naturally, it didn’t stop it, but it was worth a shot.

_(ii)._

Yosuke didn’t miss the looks Chie, Yukiko and Souji gave him when he walked into class, coughing into his fist while trying not to spit out the cough drop he had in his mouth. Probably an odd sight to see some kid jerking silently with coughs, eyes closed in an attempt to compose himself, right there at the entrance to class 2-2. He’d moved to the side to prevent his body from completely blocking the way in and out, but that was all he could do as his face continued to screw up in weird ways as he tried to stop it. _This is just making it worse, isn’t it?_

“Hey, are you okay?” Souji’s voice beside his ear made him jump slightly, pulling out a quick apology from the taller’s mouth. A gentle hand rubbed tenderly along his back until he could open his eyes again and manoeuvre the sweet into his cheek.

“I’m fine,” Yosuke reassured his friend as he turned his head to the side and let out a forced open-mouthed cough to help clear his throat. “Just got a bit of a cough.” He sniffed as he rubbed his blazer sleeve over his eyes to remove the moisture that had gathered. _And now my nose is starting to run? Great, just great._ Souji’s eyes scanned over his face before his mouth opened, shut, then opened again.

“Yosuke, I—“

The sound of the bell for homeroom interrupted whatever Souji had been about to say, and though they still had a few minutes before Kashiwagi would get to their classroom, the grey-haired boy simply shook his head, saying they should get back to their seats. _Do I really want to know what he was about to say?_

_(iii)._

By the time lunchtime made its way around, Yosuke found that he really hadn’t been coughing as much as he’d expected while having those cough drops handy. _I need to figure out where to get these myself._ His throat still ached, talking and swallowing an unwanted challenge, but all he had to do was…speak less and it hurt less. Wasn’t really difficult.

Yosuke had noticed Souji (and Chie) giving him looks sometimes during their conversation up to the rooftop, but all he could really do was ignore them. If they questioned him, he would tell them; if they didn’t, he wouldn’t. No use making his throat hurt over something that he might not even have to say in the first place. Rise, Naoto and Kanji were already there waiting for them, but his greeting was restricted to a simple wave of the hand. One of Naoto’s eyebrows raised and Yosuke prayed that she would stay quiet.

And she did. At first, anyway.

As usual, they spoke about whatever rubbish happened to come out their mouths: ideas for Hallowe’en; how midterms went; what people were planning to do at the weekend; whether bananas belonged in curry or not. Yosuke perhaps didn’t contribute as much as he usually would have, but he wasn’t completely silent. Those grey eyes that kept on flicking back to him made it clear that being quiet was too quiet though, and if the rest of the Investigation Team weren’t there, the brunette was sure he would have snapped by now.

Throat aching worse from the little talking he’d actually done, Yosuke went to drink some of his water to try and lessen the pain, but before more than a small stream could trickle down his throat, an uncomfortable feeling that he knew signalled a cough forced its way straight up his neck without him even having time to pull the bottle away from his mouth. Whatever water he’d had in his mouth was quickly dispelled in that cough, and one cough quickly moved on to many other coughs.

Yosuke never really noticed that he’d dropped his bottle of water until he caught Rise out of the corner of his eye, small hands quickly screwing the bottle shut. _That was pretty much a whole bottle, too._ The brunette tried his hardest to keep his eyes open, but the pain in his throat and chest kept forcing them shut. He could feel a hand on his back again, similar to back in the classroom, and he had no doubts that it was Souji. He didn’t need to look to know that those piercing eyes were searching him again, just as he’d been doing yesterday in the TV world, and it was really starting to piss him off. Was he not allowed to have a bit (or, well, maybe more than a bit) of a cough without being questioned?

Someone else’s bottle of water found its way into Yosuke’s hands when his ragged breaths were all that remained—presumably Souji’s. “Are you okay?” he heard Chie ask worriedly. That tone was something he rarely heard directed at him, and he felt compelled to give her a nod as he wiped his eyes of the tears that had gathered during his coughing fit.

It was while he was recovering that Naoto piped in, speaking the words that he didn’t want anyone to say: “Senpai, I don’t think you should go into the TV world today.” Now, generally, he agreed with what the young detective said—she had a rational mind and suggested the choices that benefitted everyone. But all he had was a cough. He’d been mostly fine up until then, and a little bit of training would do him nothing but good.

“It’s literally just a cough.”

“A cough can easily turn into something worse if you aggravate it.” Yosuke narrowed his eyes at her as he brought the water to his lips. Missing out on training would just mean falling behind everyone even further, and he wasn’t willing to have that happen. He needed to catch up to Souji, needed to get strong enough for him to _notice him for something that wasn’t how weak he was._ A cough was just a cough – he wasn’t dying. He could still go!

“Yosuke-senpai, I think Naoto-kun’s right.” The brunette didn’t even look at Rise as he passed Souji back his bottle. “If you start coughing like you did just now, you could get hurt!”

“And you could get others hurt along with you.”

Yosuke knew where they were coming from—he knew they were right. But he needed to go, he needed to train, he needed to get _stronger._ That lust for power was what turned whatever rational thought he had into anger at their words. Hands turned into fists as he turned his face down to the ground and—

“Crap.” Yosuke hadn’t noticed it until now, but the sandwiches he’d brought for his lunch weren’t on his legs anymore, and that look down showed him why. Splattered along the concrete ground was the contents of the package that he had only just opened. _Well, there goes my lunch._ He would’ve sighed if everyone’s attention wasn’t on him (and his dead sandwich). _Screw this fucking cough._

“…Yosuke-kun, you can have some of my lunch, if you want?” Yukiko offered.

“Yeah, mine, too.”

“I don’t mind giving you some of mine, Senpai.”

If the attempts at trying to stop him from going into the TV world weren’t enough, now he had to deal with offers of food. Generally, he would be happy to accept them, ecstatic, even (who wouldn’t want to be offered food from a girl?), but right now, those voices acted as nothing but further evidence of his weakness. Being around them just made him feel even worse than shit, but he knew that ruining whatever image they had of him by snapping at them all would just be counterproductive.

_Evading them is my only choice._

They hadn’t stopped speaking – whatever it was they were saying now – but Yosuke stood up without acknowledging any of them. “I’m just gonna go and get something from the vending machines,” he told them with a pathetic excuse for a grin.

“Somethin’ from the vending machine won’t fill you, though, will it?” Kanji asked. And he was probably right. But having sucked on cough sweets for most of the day, he wasn’t especially hungry in the first place.

“It’ll do me fine, don’t worry.” It was as Yosuke strode off, attempting to get away before anyone could find something else to try and stop him with, that he realised one unnerving thing: he hadn’t been hearing Souji’s voice at all. Now maybe he wasn’t necessarily the loudest guy in the world, but he wasn’t quiet either. And considering it had to do with Yosuke’s health ( _and your total lame-ass performance)_ , it seemed like something that would prompt a word or two from the guy’s mouth.

But as far as Yosuke knew…there was nothing.

 _He was probably just so shocked by how pathetic you’ve become. You even have Chie worrying about you,_ a little voice in his head told him.

He was inclined to agree.

_(iv)._

Yosuke never actually got himself anything but a bottle of fruit milk and some water for later, also making the split-second decision while he was there to return to his classroom rather than return to questioning looks and concerned words that made his chest squeeze in self-hatred and his insides churn in disgust. He was sure that he would only get further scrutinised by those naturally curious eyes of the Investigation Team members for not going back up to the rooftop, but at that moment, he just needed some peace and quiet. He would deal with the consequences later.

Shortly after sitting down, Yosuke heard scraping from directly in front of him—he didn’t even need to look up to know who it was. He could feel those grey eyes peering at him before he even acknowledged his friend’s presence with a glance up and he was pretty goddamn tempted to gouge them out with his fingers. But all Yosuke wanted was time away from being constantly pulled further and further down into self-loathing, and right now, Souji wasn’t disturbing that, so he had no reason to chase him away.

Yosuke never said anything to his partner, and Souji, as if sensing his wish for quiet, stayed similarly silent. Silences between the two were often filled with tension and unspoken anger, but for once, this was nothing but a companionable silence.

_(v)._

“Yosuke.” The brunette turned to Souji at the sound of his name, still sucking on the cough drop he’d had in his mouth since the middle of last period. “I don’t want you going into the TV world today.” Chie and Yukiko’s attentions were on the two of them the minute Souji had said those words. For a while, Yosuke sat there, staring in mild confusion and incomprehension. But once those words sunk in, he could feel his body tightening in barely-restrained rage.

“Did you not hear me at lunch, partner? It’s just a cough – I’ll be fine,” he attempted to reassure him, grin on his face as he shoved his books into his bag. But Souji didn’t look satisfied at the response, lips still drawn into a straight line.

“It’s _because_ I heard you at lunch that I don’t want you going. Did you not hear how badly you were coughing? This morning, too. And even during class, I could hear you constantly trying to stop yourself.” That line was now pulled down into a frown, forehead creased in worry. “I don’t want you getting injured because you can’t pay attention to your surroundings properly.”

“Who said I wouldn’t be able to pay attention to my surroundings?” As low as Yosuke was keeping his voice, the anger contained in it could be heard from a mile away. He didn’t mean to snap, even if he did feel frustrated, but he just needed to _go._ Being told to stay back by Naoto and Rise was one thing, being told to stay back by Souji was another. He wanted to be strong—no, _needed_ to be strong. Just obediently listening to the leader’s orders was not what he was going to do if it meant staying behind.

“Your cough did. I don’t want you making it any worse by overexerting yourself either.” Yosuke could feel the weakness inside of him screaming at him to desist ( _just make everything easier for yourself and stop; you can’t win this fight_ ), but he had to get stronger _stronger **stronger stronger**—_

“I just won’t use too many skills and I’ll be fine. We can kill half of the Shadows in a few hits, anyway.” The brunette was doing all he could to hide his internal battle from those grey eyes peering into him with a mixture of emotions (some he couldn’t recognise but if he wasted time trying to figure them out, he’d just _scare himself off),_ but he could feel his chest squeezing tight and a coldness creeping up his back that was just begging him to turn and walk away and just stay home and he knew, knew without having to think, that he was losing control of the situation—when was he ever _in_ control?—and he needed to think of something fast, something to work around his partner’s clever brain and unfair way with words that just seemed to persuade everyone of anything, but he just couldn’t think, couldn’t think, couldn’t _think—_

_You’re such a useless prick._

Before Yosuke’s body could pull him down any farther, Chie spoke up: “Why not just let him come?” Souji’s face screwed up in a way Yosuke had never seen before as he turned to look at the athletic girl. Seeing her barely even flinch when he did so made Yosuke’s insides clench. “If worse comes to worst, we can just send him back with a Goho-M, right?”

“Yeah!” the boy quickly agreed, ignoring the whisperings of, _‘You’re so pathetic,’_ and _‘A girl could stand up to him better than you,’_ that his mind was feeding into his ears and around his body as he pulled that stupid grin even wider.

“True…” he heard Souji mutter to himself, eyes turned to the ground as he mulled it over in his head. Yosuke took that opportunity to dig into his bag for absolutely nothing—an excuse for him to turn away and take deep breaths to stop the trembling he only just noticed, and to relax the body that was slowly deteriorating from the noose of words drawing tighter and tighter round his neck each day. Chie, Yukiko, and Souji, too, glanced at the brunette as he did so; to prevent any suspicion, though, it remained as nothing more than a glance. “…All right,” he reluctantly conceded. “I’ll let you come along with us on the condition that you keep a Goho-M with you at all times and that you do _not_ hesitate to use it the minute you feel ill.”

Yosuke quickly agreed to abide by that condition.

_(vi.)_

Yosuke was perfectly ready to walk straight back out of his house again when the first thing to greet him when he walked into his room was Teddie doing God-knows-what on his floor—his mind was too scattered to bother trying to work it out. As much as the brunette would generally question the bear’s absence from Junes, he couldn’t even find it in him to try and wonder why he was here, let alone ask.

Sure, he’d somehow managed to get Souji to let him into the TV world ( _you wouldn’t have managed if Chie wasn’t there_ ), but he knew that those grey eyes would be watching him constantly. Normally, that would make him happy; except he wouldn’t be watching him to see how strong he was, he would be watching him for any weaknesses that would show themselves. That would be the moment that Souji would strike and make him use the Goho-M.

The blonde’s lips had been moving for a while now, but Yosuke did nothing more than stare at them from the position he hadn’t moved from since opening the door. He noticed them form the syllables of his name, and though soundless to his ears, he could hear the questioning tone in those breaths. Throwing his bag somewhere on the floor, Yosuke gently pushed Teddie aside and strode over to his closet to grab his equipment.

“Get ready to go into the TV world, Teddie – we’re leaving in five.”

_(vii.)_

No one missed the heavy tension hanging between Yosuke and Souji, especially not themselves. Just as Yosuke had expected, grey eyes were focused on him more often than they should be on the battlefield, and he was almost ready to snap at him. But he didn’t want to let their leader have any possible ammunition against him—and acting against his usual personality by shouting at the one person he’s never really argued with would be one of the only pieces of ammo that the grey-haired boy would need. Souji was good enough at twisting words that he could use any minor slip-up as a way to get him out of there.

Honestly, Yosuke couldn’t understand why Souji was always giving him so much attention. Initially, he’d loved it: he’d wanted someone to notice him, and with Souji there in Inaba, he could have that. Now? It just pissed him off. He’d seen with his own two fucking eyes other members in the Investigation Team worse off than him with either injury or illness getting in—Souji had been adamant about keeping them out, but just a little protesting from them was enough for them to beat their leader’s word.

So why did that not work for Yosuke?

The anger stemming from that seeped into his fighting, and that was something that everyone except him noticed. Yosuke was known for his speed and agility as a fighter, not for his strength. And yet, at that point of time, he was fighting as if some Shadow had used some sort of skill to make him enraged: his movements weren’t fluid and graceful as his body danced along to his music, they were rough and jerky, rhythm disrupted and beat completely off; his attacks weren’t focused on his skill with his kunai, they were focused on his hardest-hitting moves. Even when a battle had ended, or when they’d went further down into the laboratory, his style remained the same.

To say the team were frightened of him wasn’t exactly right, but they certainly weren’t going to approach him any time soon. Whispered comments passed between the group, but Yosuke’s headphones were blaring music through his ears even louder than usual, making him completely blind to the world. With his sight taken by his rage, his hearing was all that was left that could tip him off to Shadows attempting a back attack, but even thathad been taken by the guitars and the drums and the voices crawling through his ears, and all through his body, giving it the power he needed to use skill after skill after skill.

Many of the Shadows in the Secret Laboratory were weak enough that using high-levelled skills was just overkill—but no matter how many Yosuke used, he showed no signs of stopping. As many warnings people tried to give him to hold back a little (or a lot), he never did. Eventually, Rise changed the transmission to Souji alone to ask why he wasn’t doing more to try and stop him. Her leader’s only answer was, “Because he hasn’t broke the condition.”

Yosuke had coughed once or twice, but it had never been a coughing fit like before. Souji internally questioned why he suddenly seemed so…energetic, fit, healthy, but no answers came to him. He couldn’t understand the anger the brunette showed either, but he knew it wasn’t something he could ask about now, not while Yosuke could barely hear anything the team were saying.

Even if he _wasn’t_ powering forward with such aggression though, Souji was sure he still wouldn’t get an answer.

_(vii)._

When Yosuke returned home that day with Teddie remaining scarily quiet (or was he just blocking him out?), the first place he went was the bed. He could hear his phone making the sound for a text.

Heard it again.

Heard it again.

Heard it again.

But with his face sunk into his pillow, he couldn’t find the strength he needed to bring his phone up any further than out of his pocket—and subsequently, down on to the wooden floor below. Teddie, about to head into his bed in the closet, stopped at that sound, turned back and tried to find words to say to make Yosuke smile and grin at him again and call him names and scold him.

But he failed to find any.

Instead, when that incessant text ringtone changed to one signalling a call, Teddie plodded over and picked it up. “It’s from Sensei,” he informed the brunette, who was staring at him through bleary, half-lidded eyes.

“Just leave it.”

Those were the last words Yosuke got out before he was pulled into slumber.

 

_3(i)._

What woke Yosuke up that morning was the realisation that he could barely breathe and that he was about to sneeze. His chest pulled tight in panic as he sat up in a disoriented just-woken-up state as he tried to understand where he was and then it clicked that he was in his room and his nose was just really stuffy and he needed tissues and he was sneezing right there.

With a snot-filled sniff, Yosuke itched his nose before reaching for the box of tissues he always kept beside his bed. A curious head of blonde hair popped out of the closet as he noisily blew his nose. “Yosuke…?” Teddie tentatively called out, pale hands wrapped around the edge of the door. “Are you sick?” The brunette didn’t even grace that with a voiced response—only a glance over and a raise of his eyebrows. “Sensei told me I had to keep you here if you got worse.”

Yosuke took a deep breath to stop himself shouting at the bear—just the _mention_ of Souji got him riled up. “It’s just a cold, Teddie, okay? People get them all the time, especially since it’s nearly winter.” Glistening blue eyes watched him as he sluggishly got out of bed and started getting changed. “I’m not dying or anything.” Speaking honestly, he felt like absolute shit, and he’d appreciate nothing more than the chance to just stay in bed the whole day. But he wouldn’t give Souji the satisfaction of saying that he told him so.

_(ii)._

Yosuke found himself reaching school at a later time than he had intended—the bell rang just as he entered his class. But with muscles already aching from overexertion and his senses bogged up with his cold, he could never have expected to walk at his usual pace, no way. Souji glanced at him as he sat in his seat, but Kashiwagi made it in before he could say anything.

_(iii)._

Lunch came around, and Souji was excusing himself, saying he had already promised Kou and Daisuke he’d be having lunch with them today.

Yosuke was more than relieved.

_Aren’t you just running away from that which you can’t confront?_

_(iv)._

“Yosuke.”

The brunette nearly cursed when Souji’s voice sounded out from behind him. He wiped off the look of irritation he had on his face before he turned around. “What is it, partner?”

“Want to walk home together today?”

Those words were all that Yosuke needed to know just what Souji was going to try to do. “You…don’t live in the same direction as me, though,” he started cautiously, eyes narrowing in wariness.

“Our paths are mostly the same, though.”

Yosuke could already tell that trying to stop him was pointless—the grey-haired boy fit the position of a commanding leader perfectly.

_(v)._

They were already halfway through the Samegawa Flood Plain before anyone—Souji—spoke up: “So, how are you feeling?” The corner of Yosuke’s mouth twitched up into a small smile. He almost found it cute how his friend didn’t go straight ahead and tell him he wasn’t going in; but maybe, if he played his cards right, he could find a way to stop Souji fretting and get into the TV world with the rest of them.

Just like when Teddie asked him if he was sick, Yosuke raised an eyebrow at him, that smile still there. “Did you really just ask that?”

“Yeah, I did. So how are you feeling? You didn’t look great when we split up yesterday evening.” Admittedly, that was more straight to the point than the brunette had been expecting. His smile faltered a little as he tried to quickly run through his possible choices in his head.

1) He could tell Souji the truth—that he really felt like absolute shit and his brain felt like it was trying to burst out from his head. It would be believable to the guy, considering he seemed to be trying his hardest to make out like he had some terminal disease or something and it would probably make his words from then on easier for Souji to just accept. But at the same time, it would give him more of a reason to stop him from going in, which was completely counterproductive.

2) He could tell the partial truth. Don’t completely lie—at least admit he isn’t feeling great. That way, Souji might accept it easier; he’d be aware that Yosuke knew himself that he wasn’t in the best condition and knew to not push himself too hard. But then again, he’d tried to stop him back when he just had a small cough, so chances it would work were pretty slim.

3) He could completely lie. Except Souji would probably see straight through him. Never mind that.

4) He could dodge the question. That would be even more stupid than lying.

Really, Yosuke could think of nothing that would guarantee him access to the TV world, but the one with the highest likelihood was probably the partial truth.

“You don’t have to worry, partner! I’m well on the road to recovery!”

…Maybe not, then. _Geez, can you not do anything right?_ As if his mind were scolding him, a sudden sneeze flew out his nose, spreading an uncharacteristic blush along his cheeks. “I’m really not that bad, honest,” he muttered sheepishly, hand coming up to scratch at the back of his neck.

Souji’s eyebrows were knitted together in blatant worry and again, Yosuke found himself perfectly prepared to slap that look off his face. Not that he did, of course. _You can’t stand up to authority and you know it._

“Yosuke, why did you not answer my calls or texts yesterday? I get if you fell asleep, but you didn’t even answer this morning.” He’d forgotten about those, actually. “I was worried, you know.” The way Souji’s voice turned meek and quiet sent an odd pang of guilt into his chest. When he’d came in the night before, he’d been so tired he forgot to put it on charge, so it was dead by the time he woke up. After being in such a deep slumber, he’d just completely forgot all about them.

“My phone was dead this morning.”

“But not last night?”

“I must’ve been asleep when you texted me.”

“And you didn’t wake up when I phoned you?”

“I was shattered last night; of course not.”

“You do remember I can just call Teddie and ask if you really were asleep, don’t you?”

 _Crap._ Yosuke shut up there.

“Do you even _know_ what you were like yesterday when we were in the TV world? You were pushing yourself _way_ too hard. I don’t know if it was consciously or unconsciously, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt and didn’t stop you. But when you didn’t respond to any of my messages, I actually thought I’d made the wrong choice. Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was?! I thought that you’d gone and collapsed somewhere! I had to phone Teddie to make sure!”

Yosuke had stopped in stunned shock by this point. He’d heard Souji shout in anger once or twice before, but to have it directed at him was…frightening, to say the least. He gulped as he stared into those grey eyes (though he soon averted them), fingers beginning to fidget with his trouser legs as he tried to figure out what to say. A mumbled apology was all he could give in response.

“I’ll let you go into the TV world today, but if I see _any_ sign of you being aggressive in there, I’m forcing you right back out again!”

“I don’t get why you’re shouting at me like that, I mean, geez,” Yosuke muttered in annoyance as he lightly shoved past Souji.

He heard a small sigh, before his friend spoke up again. “I’m just worried about you, Yosuke.” Though Souji had lowered his voice back to normal, the brunette could still hear something in there that he didn’t like, and that was all it took to have his anger begin to flare again.

“Yeah, okay, you’re worried—I get that. Thank you for worrying about me. But as far as I know, you don’t pester anyone else to stay out of the TV world when they have a cold.” Yosuke didn’t mean to start raising his voice, but once it started, he couldn’t stop it. He’d turned round to stand in front of Souji before he knew what he was doing. “Literally all I have is a _cold_! I am _not_ going die from a _cold_ , okay, Souji?! Just because I’m sneezing and coughing a little, it doesn’t mean I can’t look after myself! I’m not going to get in your way, okay?! I’m not going to be a burden!”

“I’m not trying to say that you’re a burden, Yosuke.”

“Then what _are_ you trying to say?!”

“Nothing. I just don’t want you to make yourself worse, that’s all.”

“Then _why_ are you only this persistent with _me_?!”

“Yosuke, just calm down.”

“I’m not going to fucking _calm down_ until you tell me why! Am I just so weak that you think I’ll be useless while I’m i—”

“It’s because you’re special to me, okay?!”

_Wait…what?_

Yosuke could only stand in shocked silence as he watched Souji storm off, teeth digging into his bottom lip. Because he was… _special_ to him? Brown eyes darted left and right as those words sunk into his heart and squeezed it tight. Special? As in…? By the time he turned around, Souji was already gone—he knew he would be. But some part of him had hoped he could see that fluff of grey hair and apologise.

_(vi.)_

His room was empty. Opposite to the previous day, Yosuke had hoped for nothing more than the bear’s presence. Talking to Teddie would’ve been the greatest distraction—at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to have something he could focus on that wasn’t the last ten minutes. He tried doing other things: playing his guitar; reading magazines; checking out things on the internet; but not a thing managed to distract him from his thoughts.

Souji thought that Yosuke…was special to him? _But why?_ As far as he knew, there wasn’t much good to say about him. His intelligence couldn’t even begin to rival Souji’s, his strength was so puny that he had to rely on speed to get things done, he wasn’t super athletic, he didn’t have any skills like singing or acting that would make him stand out, he could barely socialise with strangers properly without getting them to hate him, and he just looked…plain.

What made it worse was that he wasn’t even sure if he could reciprocate those feelings. No matter what he said, Yosuke didn’t believe he could ever truly… _love_ someone until he gained some closure in regards to Saki. As short-lived as his love had been, he couldn’t just… _move on._ Hearing Saki’s true voice had hurt, but it hadn’t diminished what he had felt for her.

And perhaps, above all that, he wasn’t ready to feel the pain of having his feelings shoved back into his face again. He’d felt it plenty of times back in the city—in Inaba, too, before Souji had arrived—not just with potential girlfriends, but with just…normal friends, as well. Yosuke had always believed that he had fit in well, that he had had a good support base in the form of his friends. But moving to Inaba made him realise just how wrong he’d been about their opinion of him.

_Friends don’t just suddenly lose contact with each other when they move away._

And then before he could think of anything else, something hit.

_Souji’s moving away in nearly five months._

_(vii)._

Yosuke noticed Souji’s obvious attempts at trying to act normal when they all gathered around the table at Junes, but the brunette couldn’t even attempt it, not when all his mind could think was, _Souji’s leaving, Souji’s leaving, Souji’s leaving._ Again, he would lose someone important to him, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. Five months seemed like a long time, but he was sure spring would be around in a flash.

No one missed Yosuke’s abrupt silence, nor the way his eyes kept on flicking to Souji, or the way his fingers dug into his arm. More than once, someone had been about to say something to him, but as if anticipating it, their leader gave one of his rarely-used glares to shut them up.

Yosuke could feel a headache beginning to pound in his head the more he thought to himself, but it was even harder to focus on what anyone round the table was saying. He wasn’t even sure why they hadn’t already jumped into the TV, but he never asked in fear of being shouted at—his head was aching enough without someone’s anger ripping its way through his ears.

If – and that was a very big _if_ – what Souji meant by Yosuke being special was what the brunette thought he meant, then he would reject him, no question about it. There was no need to think about it. But more than it just being because he felt like he couldn’t even _think_ of _,_ let alone start, having a serious relationship with someone until he had some closure regarding Saki’s death, there was also the issue with _Souji only temporarily living in Inaba._ Before he’d even managed to get anywhere with Saki, she was taken away from him, just like that—he’d even got insight into her true thoughts. But it would be worse to have the person taken away from him after they’d already started trying to be…something resembling a couple.

Souji was special to Yosuke, but not…in a romantic sort of way. At least, he didn’t think so. It was thanks to his partner that he was able to gain his Persona, that he was able to pursue Saki’s killer, that he was able to better his grades, that he was…that he was able to have _friends._ Yosuke already knew that nothing he could ever do for the grey-haired boy would ever make him feel as much gratitude towards him as Yosuke felt toward Souji.

But whenever he got lost in his thoughts, Yosuke’s mind always found a way to push his deep-rooted envy to the forefront. The gratitude he felt only made him realise how much he wished to emulate Souji, as impossible as he knew it was—how much he wished to just _be on the same level as him._ No matter what he did, no one would notice him for…anything. Their eyes were always on Souji, or Rise, or Naoto, and the jealousy that welled up in his heart often felt like it was trying to burn through every cell in his body and lash out in pure, unadulterated rage.

Suddenly, the need for strength began pumping through his veins again, intensifying his headache to such a degree that it neared a migraine, and Yosuke had no other choice but to lean his head in his hands and attempt to dispel the nausea blurring his mind.

He’d forgotten the Investigation Team were there until Souji’s hand was suddenly on his shoulder, voice trembling ever so slightly with panic and concern. Yosuke couldn’t hear the words, didn’t _want_ to hear the words, headache (migraine?) causing the sounds to go out of focus.

But then he heard it.

Heard the screaming of his heart.

 _Stronger, stronger, stronger, you have to get **stronger.** You _can _get stronger._

And in that short moment, the voices and sounds of the Junes food court all came back into focus, and he could make out the strings of letters leaving his friends’ mouths. The pain in his head dampened enough so that he could look at his surroundings, so he could talk, so he could _focus,_ and suddenly, his eyes were staring into Souji’s.

“Yosuke?”

A shaky smile wavered on the brunette’s face. “What is it, partner?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, ‘course! Why would I not be?”

“You suddenly turned really pale. In fact, you’re still a bad colour.” As if on instinct, Yosuke slammed the hand beginning to raise towards his forehead straight down onto the table with a _bang!_ leaving faces of stunned shock on the team’s faces.

“I’m fine, Souji, honestly. Just believe me for once, okay?” Without a second glance at the arm pinned down on the table, he released his grip and enclosed his fist inside his other hand.

_Can’t even control your impulses. You really are a useless little weakling._

Contrary to Yosuke’s expectations, no one reprimanded him for his little show of temporary dominance, rather, they simply stared, sometimes glancing between themselves. “So.” Yosuke started, as he stood up from his chair. “We heading in now or what?” Silence hung in the air as the brunette began heading towards the department store before Souji ran up and quickly grabbed at his wrist.

“Yosuke, stop.”

Yosuke already knew what he was going to say before he even said it. Grabbing at his friend’s wrist, he squeezed tight until the fingers let go of his own. “I’m going into the TV world, and you’re not going to stop me.” His tone wasn’t threatening, and there was no anger-filled glare. All that was hidden there was a cry of hurt and sadness and desperation, and that was what stopped Souji from going any further.

_(viii)._

Despite Souji’s fears that Yosuke would go against his word and go off in a rampage again, he listened to his orders and carried them out in time with the rhythm of his music as he always did.

But there was something different this time.

Sneezing and coughing aside, there was something else. He’d noticed that something else in Yosuke’s _eyes_ —it was something that the boy just couldn’t place. They were empty, yet not empty, filled with sadness, yet holding a steely anger along with it. The brunette hadn’t failed to notice their leader looking at him weirdly, but before he could ask what the problem was, Souji was calling out more orders.

As much as it bugged him, his only choice was to try and force it out of him later.

_He’s judging you he’s judging you he’s judging you he’s judging y—_

_(ix)._

Yosuke had thought everything would be fine, but partway through their training trip in the Secret Laboratory, he found that headache coming back in full force, could feel his chest aching in his unsuccessful battle for more air. He was lagging behind before he even realised it, his senses dulled, his eyesight blurred.

“Senpai?!” Large, muscled, _warm_ arms were wrapped around him before he could get anywhere else, and suddenly, his face was colliding with a sweet-smelling body. What _was_ that? Perfume? But it certainly didn’t feel like a girl’s body. Vision slightly clearer, Yosuke pulled his head back and noticed that familiar, scarred face.

“Hey, Kanji, you smell nice.” It didn’t click what he had said until after he’d said it, and he was pretty sure that his face was as red as Kanji’s was. Without hesitation, the brunette turned his face down to the floor, the first year turning his to the side, and quietly apologised.

“No, it’s…it’s okay,” he muttered awkwardly. “Thanks.” As if suddenly remembering something, the head of blonde hair quickly flicked back down to Yosuke, face abruptly void of red. “Never mind that, are you okay?! You just kinda keeled over.”

Yosuke hadn’t really understood what had happened, not at first. But now that he was on the ground, being supported by Kanji, the rest of the group all gathered around, he knew—no, not knew. He’d known for a while. He simply had no choice but to accept that staying there any longer would be dangerous for his health. Even with the glasses on, each of them knew that the fog still had an effect on them; the fact that Yosuke was already ill clearly made it hit harder and faster.

With a shaky laugh, Yosuke stood himself up with Kanji’s help. “Sorry, but…but I think…”

_Are you sure?_

“I think…”

_Don’t you want to get stronger?_

“I…”

_You can’t stay weak forever._

“I need to go. I-I can’t stay here.” The brunette took in a deep breath after his words managed to be said. As much as he didn’t want to fall behind, there was no doubt in his mind now that staying here would only be detrimental to his health—true, he couldn’t know for sure if it would have any long-term effects, but he definitely felt even more shit than he did before.

Souji was soon by his side, a look of pity and concern on his face. “I’m sorry.” The apology was quiet, murmured, impossible for the others to hear, but it reached Yosuke’s ears and he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d imagined it. “Do you think you can make it back to your house?” The brunette nodded. “Teddie should still be outside. I’ll have Rise patch him through to me and I’ll get him to take you home and then come back here so he can let us out.”

Yosuke did little more than stare at the ground.

 

_4(i)._

The next day had Yosuke’s mother and father insisting for him to stay home, but he told them that he wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t spend a few hours sitting in a chair. He wasn’t planning on going into the TV world (and neither were the others, what with the sale that was starting in the electronics department), but with so many workers calling in ‘sick’, he couldn’t miss his shift.

“Yosuke, you’re supposed to stay in bed!” came Teddie’s insistent cries as he started to get changed. As much as the blonde tried to push him back into his bed (and as much as Yosuke was tempted to relax his muscles and let himself be pushed back in), Yosuke placed every ounce of strength he could muster into his arms and legs and pushed the bear aside.

_(ii)._

Being ill made Yosuke a lot slower than he’d expected, and by the time he made it to school, it was already second period. Running his timetable through his muddled head, English was the class that popped up. A sigh of relief left his body. Fighting Shadows in the TV world had left him healthier than ever before – in fact, he was pretty sure he was starting to develop muscles – and it had certainly got him into Kondo’s good books. Not that he’d told him the truth behind his sudden increase in fitness, but P.E. had definitely become a more enjoyable subject. If he was lucky, he would get to just walk in and sit in his seat without any fuss.

After knocking twice, the brunette slid the door open and edged in with his head lowered. “Sorry I’m late, sir.” When he received no answer from the teacher, Yosuke raised his head questioningly…and was greeted by a frown. _Shit. Maybe he doesn’t like me as much as I thought he did?_ Those fears were soon dispelled when the man spoke.

“No, that’s fine, but…are you sure you’re well enough to be here?” Yosuke’s internal answer was negative, but he would much rather stay at school than have to walk all the way back again after just arriving – he really needed a break. A nod was his response. “…All right, but tell someone straight away if you’re feeling ill. You need to keep yourself healthy, Hanamura.”

Yosuke didn’t miss the way Souji and Chie looked at him as he took his seat.

_(iii)._

The end of second period had Souji turning straight around and asking why he was at school. “You were ready to collapse yesterday – you shouldn’t be here, Yosuke! You should be at home resting!” He scolded him quietly, but with fierce worry.

“School isn’t that hard to get through, partner. It’s not like I’m running around fighting Shadows or something.” Yosuke made no mention of his shift at Junes—he was pretty sure that Souji would have a fit if he did.

“You look like absolute shit, though, Yosuke,” Chie chided in, twirling round in her seat. “Aren’t you usually the one that would happily find a reason to stay home from school?”

“Just shut up, Chie.”

_(iv)._

Yosuke had thought he’d be able to persevere, but by the time fifth period rolled around, his head felt like it was incredibly close to bursting and his senses were so blurred that he could barely hear what the teachers were saying. Mr. Kondo wasn’t the only one that had reacted with worry at his apparent pale state – some of his other teachers had either asked if he was feeling okay or cut him more slack than they usually did.

He’d said that yes, he was fine, but now, he was heavily regretting not staying at home. _If I go to work today, I’m pretty sure I’ll end up putting bleach with the soft drinks._ Souji hadn’t missed his increasingly worsening state, and had tried more than once to persuade him to go home, but each and every time, Yosuke had simply told him that he wasn’t feeling as bad as he probably looked.

There was no doubt in his mind that that was the biggest fucking lie he’d ever told.

Yosuke was pulled from his thoughts when he heard the sounds of textbooks being flicked to a page that the brunette’s ears hadn’t picked up. Honestly, he couldn’t even guess; memories of his last geography lesson were nothing more than a pleasant sleep. Even if he wanted to try and be a good student, the pain pounding in his head was beginning to make him feel nauseous, and he couldn’t even find it in him to ask someone where he was supposed to be looking. Momentarily forgetting that he was in class, Yosuke pressed his palms firmly against his eyes in some vain attempt to clear the agony he was feeling.

 _I can’t handle this anymore._ Without a second thought, the brunette shoved his hand into the air.

“Hanamura-kun?”

“Sir, could I go to the nurse’s office, please?”

Yosuke ignored the eyes of the Class 2-2 Investigation Team members that were trained on him.

“You _are_ looking really pale. Who—“

“I’ll take him, sir,” Souji quickly volunteered, hand shooting up into the air.

 _Fuck._ If he was lucky, Souji wouldn’t make his headache worse than it already was. Maybe, if his brain wasn’t as filled with fog as it was, he’d easily think of some way to fight back, to get his friend to just…stay in class. To not bring him to the nurse’s office. But there was no way in hell he was going to bother with doing that.

Another swear word flashed in his head the minute he stood up. The movement was faster than he’d intended – or at least, he thought it was. A wave of nausea washed right over him all over again the second he made it onto his feet. Taking a few deep breaths, he closed his eyes while he focused on lessening that feeling.

“Yosuke?” Eyelids raised over brown eyes as they flicked to the worried expression of Souji in front of them.

“Sorry, I’m just comi—“ Yosuke was falling before he could even finish what he was saying. The next time he registered what was happening, he was looking at a Yasogami High uniform – Souji’s, as a matter of fact.

“Yosuke, are you okay?!”

“Sorry, Souji. I just felt a bit lightheaded,” he reassured the fretting boy as he stood himself up. Admittedly, he still felt relatively lightheaded, but not to the extent that he was falling over, thankfully.

“I’m bringing you straight to the nurse’s office, you hear me? And as soon as you get home, you’re staying in bed.”

Yosuke knew he couldn’t say anything against that.

_(v)._

The next time Souji came to see Yosuke was during lunch. Since nobody was at home, the nurse told him he’d feel far more comfortable if he stayed at school until someone could go back and stay with him. “How are you feeling?” Souji asked as he sat down at his bedside.

Now that he’d had time to relax and calm down the pounding of his head, he felt embarrassed, if he was honest. Just a couple of days ago, his brain had been screaming at him to get stronger, so that Souji could notice him for what he should be noticed for, but now that he was stuffed up with some stupid-ass cold, that part of his mind had already gone into shut-down. _Just how pathetic am I?_

“Yosuke?” Yosuke realised he still hadn’t responded to what Souji had asked of him, so quickly sorted himself with a, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m feeling better.” Grey eyebrows pulled together, as if he couldn’t quite believe the brunette’s words, but to Yosuke’s relief, he didn’t push the matter.

“I’ve left a message at the house phone so that Nanako knows I’ll be late home today.” …What? What did that have to do with him? “Teddie’ll be working because of the sale, right? I’m not letting you be alone in your house while you’re ill.” Yosuke frowned.

“Dude, I can take care of myself, you know. I’m not some useless kid,” he protested, gripping the sheets of the bed between his fingers as the headache began to worsen.

“But if you faint and hit your head, who’s going to help you? You’re only a danger to yourself like this.” Well, that was certainly some pleasant wording. Not that Yosuke could really say anything back to that – it was true. He’d be lucky if he could even cook himself any food. He’d probably fall asleep while making something and set the house on fire.

“Why are you going so far for me, Souji? You don’t _have_ to do this.”

“You already know why, Yosuke.”

Crap. So he did. A wave of guilt and uncomfortableness washed through him as he recalled Souji’s parting words just the day before. He’d been so unfocused that he’d completely forgot all about them, but he highly doubted he was in the right condition to really _think_ about it right now. With nothing else to say or do, Yosuke averted his eyes from his partner’s.

_(vi)._

The trip back home had been silent save for the sounds of Yosuke’s feet skidding along the ground and the coughs and the sneezes that signalled his illness. Now and again, Souji had asked if he was okay when he stumbled, but those were the only words exchanged between the two. Even when they reached the Hanamura household, all that was said was, “Go rest for now and I’ll wake you up when I’ve finished making you food.” The fatigue plaguing his body left nodding his head as his only possible response.

_(vii)._

“Yosuke.” A gentle shaking of his body had him slowly opening his eyes, room dark enough so that squinting wasn’t required. “Can you stay up long enough to eat something?” A groan, soon followed by a small, reluctant nod. “I’m going to sit you up, okay?” Gentle hands buried underneath his back as Yosuke groggily pushed himself up with his hands. Shuffling back, he rested his head against the pillow that Souji had propped against his headboard.

“I just made you some vegetable soup – there shouldn’t be anything too hard for you to eat in there.”

“Thanks,” Yosuke muttered, getting himself comfortable before taking the tray that Souji held out for him. Straight away, the smell of the soup somehow managed to weave in between all the mucus blocking his airways and lightly touch his senses. _Geez, this smells amazing._

“Are you feeling any better?”

“Yeah.” Yosuke brought some of the soup to his mouth, and though he couldn’t taste it properly through the effects of his cold, it felt nice to have warmth washing down his throat. As nice as it all felt though, he knew there was something he had to address first. “Listen, Souji, I’m… I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble.”

“Yosuke, it’s fine, okay?” the boy told him, pushing his hand underneath Yosuke’s unruly hair to get to his forehead. “You still have a slight fever – if you want to discuss anything with me, we can do it later.” He had a fever? Well, that was new. But he couldn’t let that stop him.

“Please, let me just…let me just say this, okay? I’ll chicken out later if I don’t do it now.” Grey eyes travelled over his face before Souji gently nodded.

“All right, I’ll listen. But at least finish your food first, okay? I’m pretty sure you don’t want to pass out partway through because of a lack of energy, now do you?” There was a small, playful smile on Souji’s face, but both knew that it wouldn’t break the tension that had built up from the unspoken feelings looming over them.

_(vii)._

It took Yosuke a good little while before he could manage to get down most of the food. The fact that the brunette’s appetite still seemed to be present was a reassuring thing to Souji, though, and it seemed to make him far more willing to listen to what Yosuke wanted to say.

As much as Yosuke wanted to tell Souji everything – wanted to get everything off his chest so that days of being plagued by negative thoughts would no longer need to remain unspoken - hesitance was still blooming in his heart, and trying to make that little flower wilt was like trying to get toast to land butter-side up. Rather than pressing him though, Souji simply remained seated by his bed, folding cranes for his part-time job; as odd as it sounded, Yosuke thought he could feel himself calming down just by watching those skilful hands.

“Hey, um…” Souji turned to look at him with patient eyes. “I’m… I’m really sorry for…you know, for not listening to you.” Yosuke fidgeted with his fingers. “I know that I was being… _really_ stupid for not resting. I mean, just look at me now.” A pained laugh left his mouth as he dug his nails into his arm.

“So long as you know that and are willing to admit it, then that’s all that matters,” the grey-haired boy gently told him, a small smile on his face. “But if you don’t mind my asking, why were you so desperate to go with us?” It was a question that Yosuke had prepared an answer to long ago, but he still wasn’t any more comfortable replying to it.

Again, though, Souji never pushed him for the answer, simply sat patiently, folding more cranes when he realised that the brunette needed time to work through his thoughts.

_How can this guy be so patient?_

Souji had already seen Yosuke’s Shadow – whatever he said now couldn’t be much worse than that if his Shadow hadn’t come back out again (could that happen? He wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t something he was willing to strike out anytime soon, not while the possibility remained). But what his Shadow had said hadn’t really come from… _him._ He hadn’t said those things that Teddie and Souji had heard, and in some ways, that had made it a little easier to accept. Now that he had to say it himself…damn, was he feeling the fear.

“I…” Souji’s hands stopped. “I wanted…to get stronger,” he muttered, turning his head down in embarrassment. “Some part of me was or… _is,_ I guess, really jealous of you.” He could already feel his face turning red. “You got your Persona first, you’re smart, and you’re even our leader. I mean, I could never do what you’re doing now and sometimes, I just… I hate it.

“I hate that I can’t have…that I can’t… Aw, crap, this is so embarrassing…” Souji didn’t say anything, simply waited until he took a deep breath and continued. “I hate that I can’t have the attention from the others that you get.” It was quiet, near inaudible, close to a child’s reluctant muttered apology, but his friend had clearly heard him from the way his face turned into one of sympathy and guilt and pain all at once before quickly reverting back to a look of calm.

“Yosuke, I…”

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, partner. I get how stupid it is.”

“No, no, no, Yosuke, it’s not stupid, at all. Don’t say that.” Souji was quickly placing his tray of paper onto the ground and placing a gentle hand on Yosuke’s arm – it was at that moment that the brunette remembered what else he had to address.

“There’s… There’s more, Souji.” Yosuke rarely used his friend’s name, but now didn’t seem like the most appropriate time to be using “partner”, especially with what he was about to talk about. “When you told me how…how you feel, I… I didn’t really know what to think at the time. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I still don’t really know.” Souji’s hand pulled back, Yosuke didn’t stop him.

“I’m sorry, Yosuke,” came the unusually timid response of the grey-haired boy.

“Don’t apologise, seriously!” he quickly shot out. “Honestly, now that I’ve had time to take it all in, I’m sort of…touched. And surprised.”

“Surprised?”

“Well, no, it’s just… I never thought that someone would… _like_ me, you know? Especially not you. I mean, you have so many people to choose from and you go for me? It just… I don’t understand why.”

“Yosuke, you really need to cut yourself some slack.” The scolding, playful tone in Souji’s voice took the brunette by surprise. “If there’s one thing you have a bad habit of doing, it’s putting yourself down.” His friend had barely said anything, and Yosuke could already feel the moisture gathering in his eyes for some reason he couldn’t understand – he blamed it on the cold for muddling his brain.

“I have known you for a long time, so I can confidently say this: you are a great person, Yosuke. You can say some really mean things sometimes, but I think that’s just a natural wall of defence you have. You seem to try and…maintain a certain distance from a lot of people, but you still _care._ You do everything you can to protect us while we’re in the TV world and though you think no one notices, you always help Yukiko with healing everyone if too many of us are injured for her to handle by herself.

“You’re an especially hard worker, even though you’re the son of the manager – there are a lot of people who would use that as a way to skip most of their shifts; I’m pretty sure you work harder than any of the other part-time workers that are there. You’re considerate, you’re better at sports than you think, you can play the guitar, you have a pleasant voice, you were my first friend here in Inaba, need I say more?”

“No.” It came out choked. “No, you really don’t need to say more.” All it did was make him feel even guiltier than before, and it fucking _hurt_. “But I-I’m sorry, Souji.” He sniffed and rubbed his eyes on his sleeve. “I just… I can’t…give you a real response right now.”

“Saki…right?” Yosuke’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You knew?”

“Of course I did. Why else do you think I never told you before?” The gentle, understanding smile that graced his features made more tears gather and drop – out of what, he didn’t even know himself anymore. “We all know that you still need time to come to terms with what happened to Saki, and that’s not a bad thing. I understand you needing closure, and I’m willing to give you all the time you need. Even if at the end of all this, you can’t give me a positive answer, don’t think you need to feel bad about it, okay?”

“I… Souji, I’m so—“

“ _DON’T._ Apologise. Just get some rest, okay?”

“Souji, are you bothered about catching my cold?”

“Of course not – why do you think I’m here just now?”

“In that case…” Before Souji could get away, Yosuke found himself weakly pulling himself forward using the boy’s shirt sleeve. In a slight panic, the grey-haired boy gripped both of the brunette’s arms as he set his hands on his shoulders. Leaving no time for hesitation to sprout, Yosuke leaned his body across, face as red as a tomato, and planted a short, sweet kiss on his friend’s cheek. “Just… Just to show my thanks…partner.”

As embarrassed as he felt, Yosuke knew it was worth it to see the big, goofy grin that showed itself on Souji’s face.

**Author's Note:**

> did you notice how little effort i began to put into my writing as we neared the end?? i was beginning to have no idea what i was doing.
> 
> before you say anything - YES, there are issues that weren't actually resolved by the end of it. if i can find it in me to write more, i will probably try and do something else later. that will probably take a lot of motivation boosting.
> 
> also, those cough sweets that souji gives yosuke are real cough drops over in japan. 
> 
> i'm sorry if you were expecting something better.


End file.
